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“I’m Not Actually Sympathetic To Her Situation”: Person Doesn’t Donate PTO To Dying Coworker

Moral dilemmas aren’t meant to be easy. Sometimes, figuring out the right thing to do is overwhelming and you feel judged by your peers. One internet user, u/AntiYourOpinion,the AITA community for some impartial advice on a particularly sensitive matter where pragmatism clashed with social niceties and decency.

According to the author, theirare all donating some of their paid time off to a colleague who has been diagnosed with. All except for the OP who doesn’t see the point in ‘wasting’ the PTO. Now, they’re asking the internet whether they’re in the wrong for being so blunt. Scroll down for the story and to see the mixed reactions it got.Bored Pandareached out to the author, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from them.

Many people expect healthcare workers to be empathetic. However, there are times when this clashes with their personal goals

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A worker turned to the internet for some objectivity after sharing how they refused to support a seriously ill colleague

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It’s very important to have hope if you’ve been diagnosed with a serious illness

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Though cancer is a horrible, harrowing illness, being diagnosed with it is not an immediate death sentence. Depending on the type of cancer, your lifestyle, and the plan of action your doctors take, you can win the battle if you’re diagnosed early enough.

Cancer Research UK notes that half of people diagnosed in England and Walestheir disease for 10+ years. The survival rate in the United Kingdom has doubled in the last 50 years, which is a reflection of the advances in medical technology and practices.

A patient’s survival rate heavily depends on the type of cancer they’re fighting. For example, just 1% of people survive pancreatic cancer, but 98% of patients defeat testicular cancer. Over 80% of people with easier-diagnosed and treatable cancers survive for 10+ years.

When it comes to a patient’s age, people under 40 years old have higher chances of surviving cancer. However, there are exceptions. Your chances of survival are highest in middle age if you’re diagnosed with, bowel, or prostate cancer.

You can tell a lot about a person and their (lack of) empathy by how they decide to behave in emotionally difficult situations

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Life centers on countless decisions that you make every single day about what to prioritize: yourself, your loved ones, your community, or the world as a whole. It’d be ideal if your goals and everyone else’s matched.

Frequently, you have to make certain tradeoffs with their own pros and cons. There’s a constant battle between your authentic self and the persona you present to everyone in public.

For instance, if you always prioritize the needs of others, like your family, friends, and coworkers, you might end up neglecting your own needs too much. You might end up exhausted, burned out, and struggling financially, physically, and mentally. Charity and empathy are all very well and good, but there have to be healthy boundaries. You can’t help others if you don’t help yourself first, after all.

On the flip side, if you always prioritize your personal needs over helping the people in your social circle, you might end up having a reputation for being selfish, arrogant, callous, and cruel. Human beings are also hardwired for empathy and community, not just personal gain. If you constantly avoid creating deep(er) connections with the people around you, you might find yourself socially isolated. And that’sfor your health and longevity.

Pragmatism can be diplomatic. How you say or do something matters as much as what you choose to say or do

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Being pragmatic doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to appear heartless. It helps to consider the potential consequences your actions will have. Not just the immediate ones but also second- and third-order effects, too.

As an example, refusing to cave into social pressure and deciding not to donate your paid time off means that you’ll be able to have a healthier work-life balance, spend more time with your loved ones, and ensure that you’re financially stable while you rest up. Vacations can be a godsend if you’re burning out or you want to focus on your other passions in life aside from your career.

However, it’s not like the refusal to donate PTO—and the decision to bluntly talk about it to colleagues—won’t potentially have some negative consequences. It’s very likely that there’s going to be pushback. The other employees might start thinking of the author as an uncaring, unempathetic individual. The result? Subtle or overt ostracism.

Empathy is hugely important in an industry like healthcare. So, someone who’s creating a reputation for themselves for being overly utilitarian might find themselves sidelined by their colleagues. They might not get the help they need when they need it, like when they need a shift covered or if they require a bit of assistance during work hours. They might miss out on potential promotions because they’re not as trusted as their other colleagues.

Being pragmatic doesn’t necessarily mean being blunt or outwardly cold. Sometimes, the most pragmatic thing to do is to adapt to the circumstances, follow in your social circle’s footsteps, and show that you care about the same things as them (even if you genuinely don’t).

Whatever the final decision, the employee will have to live with the consequences of their actions

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Workplaces require a lot of diplomacy to navigate, and a good rule of thumb is to be more subtle whenever you find yourself in the middle of delicate and emotional situations. A few donated days of PTO is a small price to pay for the sake of peace and harmony at work if you plan on continuing your career there.

So, all things considered, the most pragmatic thing to do will depend on your life goals. If you prioritize work-life balance and don’t care about being part of the community at work, then it makes sense to keep as much paid time off as you can, without giving so much as a single day away.

The issue would be moot if the employer decided to support theemployee more, without her coworkers having to donate their own PTO to her. It’s dystopian to have to rely on crowdsourced time off when you get diagnosed with a serious illness.

What’s your take on the entire situation at the workplace, dear Pandas? Would you donate your personal time off to help a colleague in need or would you keep the days yourself? What do you think it would take to convince the employer to support the ill woman more? Have you ever found yourself in a situation similar to this one? Let us know in the comments how you’d handle things.

The author shared a bit more context in the comments of their post

The reactions to the situation were mixed. On the one hand, some readers came out in support of the healthcare worker

On the other hand, many internet users criticized the author for the way they handled such a sensitive situation

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Jonas Grinevičius

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Jonas Grinevičius

Writer,BoredPanda staff

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I’ve been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I’d rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I’ve always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real.
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Ilona Baliūnaitė

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I’m a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I’ve searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I’m also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I’m not at my desk, you’re likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

NTA but they are living in a dystopia. Coworkers have to donate pto is absurd. The dying employee should have access to decent benefits but this is what Americans keep voting for.

In Germany a think like that would actually be FORBIDDEN. Same as workers laws require breaks after 6h of work and regularly holidays. Paid of course.

I don’t know the situation of every European country, but the ones that I know of, it’s pretty standard. Actually if you have cancer, you don’t use any PTO. You have sick paid leave.

Yep, this is unheard of here. Donating leave to another colleague

Same in Spain, of course.

I’ve been forced to take a break by my actual boss … rather, the one running our floor, “Vorentwicklung Ottomotor”, ordered my direct boss, whose title was something like “Team leader turbocharging” or so (although my focus was on variable valvetrains, but there’s a lot of stuff involving both being beyond the known-usual in order to work), and I was pretty absorbed in the final refinements of my Diploma Thesis, and just got carried off. Elsewhere, I never needed to be reminded to take a break, but, in that regard … we’ve got enough issues, too, of course this isn’t some magic paradise with every medical expense being out of anyone’s way, but the extent to which the US are worse, and still consider themselves a first-world-country is beyond me. Since FDR, the governments and parliaments that were in service since, have alternated between insufficient attempts to rectify at least the worst bits, and downright destruction of anything that ever was there to protect workers. And, the US seemed the most attractive, the most-pulling towards potential immigrants when the widespread wealth was in growth. NOT the overall wealth – that can grow if everybody just stays level, but a very few people get incredibly rich. That’s pointless to society as a whole, of course, but … we have a plethora of experience that all sums up to “A society that has widespread wealth, where wealth AND spread are rising, is stable, safe, and allows to actually make use of freedoms that, otherwise, are just words beyond any effect.”, and yet, the entire world either votes dictators, or those pampering the rich, or the overlap thereof. The post-war age only had two somewhat acceptable presidents, which were Eisenhower and Carter. All the other dudes since, either were downright evil, insane or hopelessly fell behind the hope they themselves needed to induce in order to make people actually go out and vote. It’s not impossible, but the likelihood of a true peoples’ government, acting in the interest of the majority, isn’t that high, … and, we have sick leave that is not generally limited, but if you’re too sick, or have too low chances of recovery, you’ll eventually be offered some sort of buy-out and disability pension, and if that doesn’t float you above, you’re gonna receive additional transferred-income that levels you at least at the cost-of-life. Which is generally just what staying alive does cost, but at least, nobody’s left to starve, and the very thought of “Heinz has passed away recently, because he couldn’t afford treatment” not only infuriates socialists, but the more-decent 99% of people. Dead, because what allows to survive is too expensive? If we haven’t gotten ourselves to evolve beyond and above such, have we even at all?

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I can’t imagine even visiting a country where I’m not allowed to think my own personal thoughts.

Uh, well, yeah, … you are misconceptering this a bit. The thought of it, of course, is not and can not be forbidden. The only actual attempts to forbid thoughts are applied in gambling, where you’re told not to count cards if playing Black Jack. Of course, you are allowed to think even worse. You are allowed to think that Elephants are Tires, if you like to, think ahead. In case you’re too sick to work in germany, the employer will cover your wages, unaltered, for up to six weeks (“Lohnfortzahlung im Krankheitsfall” – Wage Continuation during sick leave), and if you require a longer leave, the obligatory healthcare insurance takes over, and wages are cut to 2/3 or so. May depend on a few more factors – our reputation of overreguation of any-every-whatever-thing isn’t exactly by nothing, and we don’t fail to deliver here -, but, after all, you will NEVER be left to die because some cost coverage isn’t sorted out yet or something. Whoever covers the cost, in an emergency, you’re gonna be treated, and any and every person within Medical, who attempts to deprive you of treatment, has to face charges and can even be sentenced to a few years’ worth of prison, if the non-practice of available and likely life-saving procedures, drügs, treatments results in death or permanent damage. An employer demanding to come in sick, or to use PTO for the time you’re sick, is gonna have a hard time defending this malpractice in court. But, of course, everybody can think whatever they want, we just have, in some regards, safety measures and less messed-up legislation than the US have. Some insane, evil, greedy legislations are prevented from happening, yes, but that one, if at all relevant in this regard, counts towards more freedom rather than less thereof – how free is somebody who got into six figures of debt aged 50, by a heart attack? In germany, this doesn’t affect your freedom whatsoever. In the US, lack of financial ressources can rinse your freedom down the drain in a minute. Yay? Hell, no!

You know this isn’t what we’re voting for, right? It’s important to me that you know that. We are held hostage by corporations and special interest groups basically buying politicians, propaganda disguised as education, and Christian nationalists strategically and systematically taking over. The majority of Americans don’t want this. Any of it. But our politicians don’t work for us, they work for whoever has the most money to give them, and we are left just shouting into the void.

We have completely useless politicians in Congress.

Hey BP. You need to add a new poll option: “What the f**k kind of dystopia do we live in where employees are subsidising sick leave for other employees”

You may have to put that in an US context. I don’t think it applies so much around the real world, ie the rest of the world.

This is madness, donating PTO shouldn’t even be the option, the employer should be giving her full paid sick leave.

This comment is hidden.

Well yes obviously here in uk most do and there are benefits to but would it really kill her to help the women

NTA but they are living in a dystopia. Coworkers have to donate pto is absurd. The dying employee should have access to decent benefits but this is what Americans keep voting for.

In Germany a think like that would actually be FORBIDDEN. Same as workers laws require breaks after 6h of work and regularly holidays. Paid of course.

I don’t know the situation of every European country, but the ones that I know of, it’s pretty standard. Actually if you have cancer, you don’t use any PTO. You have sick paid leave.

Yep, this is unheard of here. Donating leave to another colleague

Same in Spain, of course.

This comment is hidden.

I can’t imagine even visiting a country where I’m not allowed to think my own personal thoughts.

We have completely useless politicians in Congress.

Hey BP. You need to add a new poll option: “What the f**k kind of dystopia do we live in where employees are subsidising sick leave for other employees”

You may have to put that in an US context. I don’t think it applies so much around the real world, ie the rest of the world.

This is madness, donating PTO shouldn’t even be the option, the employer should be giving her full paid sick leave.

This comment is hidden.

Well yes obviously here in uk most do and there are benefits to but would it really kill her to help the women

We’re also onand

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“I’m not actually sympathetic to her situation”: Person doesn’t donate PTO to dying coworker

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“I’m Not Actually Sympathetic To Her Situation”: Person Doesn’t Donate PTO To Dying Coworker

Many people expect healthcare workers to be empathetic. However, there are times when this clashes with their personal goals

A worker turned to the internet for some objectivity after sharing how they refused to support a seriously ill colleague

It’s very important to have hope if you’ve been diagnosed with a serious illness

You can tell a lot about a person and their (lack of) empathy by how they decide to behave in emotionally difficult situations

Pragmatism can be diplomatic. How you say or do something matters as much as what you choose to say or do

Whatever the final decision, the employee will have to live with the consequences of their actions

The author shared a bit more context in the comments of their post

The reactions to the situation were mixed. On the one hand, some readers came out in support of the healthcare worker